If anyone reading this knows me personally, you know that One Tree Hill is my favorite show of all time. When I was 15 years old I remember hearing Nathan Scott say "And if you’re lucky, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back." I remember loving those words, eloquently, yet simplistically strung together in a sentence.
I remember at 15 and up until eight or nine months ago, I'd never be lucky enough to have the person I love, love me back. But somehow, for some reason, I did get that lucky. I want to be completely transparent and vulnerable to you all. I want to share a letter I wrote to my partner.
So if there's any of you who feel like you're not deserving of love or capable of receiving it, like i was, maybe it’ll offer you some hope.
“I never know how to start off letters to you because there’s always so much to say. But, i'll start by saying I love you—so much. There aren't enough words in the human language to express the love and gratitude I feel for you. I’ll also start by saying thank you— for loving me, whole heartedly. My therapist asked me once “How does he make you feel?” My eyes instantly flooded with tears, overwhelmed with love. I told her “You know when you wake up and look outside, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the sky is blue, the weather is beautiful? And you stand there, and you know it's going to be a good day? He’s my sun, my chirping birds, my blue sky...my beautiful weather.”
You are my “perfect day” you are my “something good”. And the best part about all of this, is that I've never lost myself while being with you. My favorite part is that we are two complete people not trying to find ourselves in each other—instead we compliment each other and add to each other's happiness. I love that you challenge me and push me to be the best version of myself.
I love that you make me laugh so hard that it hurts, I love the way you talk so passionately about the things you love. I love how dedicated and driven you are, and even when you feel defeated, you stop at nothing to get to your end goal. I love that you seem to know everything. I love your jokes, your laugh, that smile….my god that smile. I love being wrapped in your warmth every night and getting to wake up to you every morning—it always starts my day off right.
I remember being terrified to tell you that I was in the pool was millions of women who said “me too” and you listened. More importantly you handled my fears and trauma gently and patiently. I can't thank you enough for not making me feel disposable. I wish I could perfectly describe the way you make me feel because it's otherworldly. Truth is I'm the luckiest person in the world to co-exist beside you, to love you and to be loved by you. Never forget that you will always be my something good. Never forget that I love you always, on your good days and your bad days.
Until I can find the best words in the world to describe my love for you, I’ll keep writing love poems in your name.
I love you and I am enamoured and captivated by you.
Never forget that I am yours—I love you too the moon and back, a million times.”
Just shy of the age of 22, somehow i’ve been this lucky. I don’t write this to make anyone feel bad, i write this because you all desereve the love you give others. More importly, you deserve great love and nothing mediocre. Remember that.